Why do you keep going to Egypt?

This post, first published on June 24, 2013, attempts to answer this question. It seems a good reminder on this Pentecost Sunday! 

And the Holy Spirit will come upon you ...

Yesterday someone asked me via Facebook if I could explain what it is about Egypt that keeps me returning.  

The unfolding of my morning gives a glimpse of what it is about Egypt that keeps me coming back.  

My alarm went off at 5:30. I had to get up early to prepare for an online conversation with a colleague on the West Coast at 6:00 in order to be ready for a meeting in Chicago that will happen right after I return from Egypt. By the time my conversation was finished, I was running late so I skipped my morning shower, dressed quickly and prepared myself for the morning. I started a load of laundry since my 10 attempts over the weekend to do laundry were each met with a occupied washing machine (and if I don’t start it first thing in the morning, it’s likely that there will not be water again until after sundown and by that time another student will occupy the washing machine) and then I went to chapel with only a couple of minutes to center myself before we began morning prayer.

When I sat down in chapel the student who I was expecting to preach was seated across from me studying his homily. He approached me and asked for help in pronouncing a few words and then he told me he didn’t think he was preaching until tomorrow. I tried to ask if he was ready to preach this morning and he said that he would, but he had written down the 25^th(tomorrow). I thought that perhaps I had given him the wrong date and at that moment we began morning prayer and so we were both occupied with the appointed psalms.

As we prayed I worried about the student now sitting next to me. I know how hard it is to preach in any language to say nothing of preaching in a foreign language. I have so much respect for my students that they are willing to be vulnerable in front of their priests, teachers and classmates and I want them to feel confident and prepared when they stand up to proclaim the Word with their words. So as morning prayer ended I leaned over to my student and said, “I want you to feel confident when you preach and I think you are not ready today. I will preach today and you will preach tomorrow.” He was grateful and I frantically started searching through Luke’s gospel for text to use as the basis of a very brief homily.

I chose Luke 6:12-19 where Jesus calls 12 of his disciples to be apostles. As mass began I prayed for the power of the Spirit and trusted that something would come. At the time of the gospel, I stood to read it and then stood in front of the chapel and prayed and preached. I said something like this:

Holy Spirit come and fill my words with your truth and fill our hearts with understanding to know Christ’s love, his mercy, his grace and his forgiveness today and always. Amen.

I am not dressed like a pastor today because I did not think I would preach. But there has been some confusion about who would preach today and so I will speak a few words about the gospel.

When I first began seminary I was the kind of person who needed a lot of order in my life. I always wanted to be prepared for what would come next. I wanted to know what my next step would be and the step after that and the step after that and the step after that. It didn’t take me very long to realize that something would need to change if I was going to be a pastor in Christ’s church.

One of the things that we see about Jesus in the gospels is that he is always listening to the people who call for him. He is always seeing the people who need help. He is always willing to stop what he is doing and make room for someone who needs him.

I could be a pastor who always needs to know the next step, but I would not be a very good pastor or be a pastor very long if I couldn’t be open to listening and seeing and noticing like Jesus. Many days I begin with a list of things that I want to get done. But if someone comes to me and says, “Pastor Amy I need your help with a problem” she will not want to hear me say, “I’m sorry could you come back tomorrow, I’m very busy today.”

Jesus called many different kinds of people to be his apostles because Jesus needs many different kinds of people to proclaim his word. But one thing that he taught the apostles as they followed him was that they would have to be able to make room for the people who wanted to reach Jesus.

We are all called to be disciples of Christ and as his disciples we are called to do ministry in his image. This means that we must also learn to listen like Jesus, and to see like Jesus and to notice the needs of people around us like Jesus. But Jesus doesn’t ask us to do this all by ourselves. He promises to be with us and he has given us his Spirit to give us strength and power to do what we must do. And so when someone comes to us and needs our help and we don’t know how to help, we can pray to the Holy Spirit and trust Jesus promise that this Spirit will give us the power and the ability to do what Christ needs us to do.

By 8:30 I was at breakfast eating my morning portion of ful. As I reflected on what happened between 5:30 and 8:30 this morning I realized that this is a piece of why I keep coming back.

The truth is that I am still a person who likes a plan: a to-do list, an agenda, a schedule. I don’t do very well with interruptions and I’m not my most comfortable when I’m working on the fly. But I also know and believe with all of my heart that in the vulnerable places of my life, when I am out of my comfort zone, when I am forced to address the events that unfold before my eyes, when I arrive late and hot to church on Monday morning and realize that I have to stand up and proclaim Christ without any prior preparation, in those moments I am more open to the power of the Holy Spirit than I am at any other moment in my life. In those moments, I trust more in who I am as a Child of God and an heir with Christ to God’s promises than I do at any other time. In Egypt each year I am forced to practice my faith in the power of God to lead, guide and protect and keep me, more than I need to in the comfort of my home and my usual routines. I keep coming to Egypt because each day when I am here my life becomes a living confession that it is not I who live, but Christ Jesus and his Spirit who lives in me.

You can’t learn this, you must simply experience it. And in Egypt I experience this more than anyplace else in my life … and for this I’m grateful. This is the experience that keeps me coming back.